At times i am aware only of the heights, such experiences of your glory as are unimaginable, At other times i do not feel your presence so much as i would like, and instead there is an emptiness that unsettles and frightens me. Even on days like today, when the best of feelings is so close to me in time, so recent, that i can nearly taste it... even on these days, i cannot truly taste it. I cannot even properly remember it, for it is a feeling that cannot be captured in memory; it cannot even be captured while it is experienced, and yet still it is, by your grace, in my experience. Today it seems far from me, though i know that you yourself are never far from me.
You are not far from me, so that even my feelings of distance are under your control. Today i wonder where you are and i write of this experience, and so i learn from this experience. It is not the experience of highness but the experience of need, which is a part of me even when i feel full of you. Now, Lord, when i do not feel full of you, i have the fullest confidence still that you are in me, and that you fill me, even when i cannot sense you and cannot feel myself connecting to you. You always connect to me.
Teach me to obey you, to learn from you, and to appreciate your purposes for every phase in my walk with you, in every situation. Teach me to praise you in every time and place that i encounter, so that i can draw near to your presence even when i cannot perceive that presence. When i feel dry and thirsty and thinned and weak, and i am weak but for you, thinned without you, thirsting for you, dry without your Spirit. I learn from you about what i am without you so that i can all the more worship what you are, and be thankful for what i am in you.
You are love, and you desire that in your love i can know love. You are near, and you want me near to you. You are full, and what you want for me is too be full of you, and you speak to me through what i perceive to be your absence, because you have also shown me that you are never absent, and through your present seeming absence more of you becomes present to me.