your application has been approved!

just once, i would like to get a spam message with a subject line that says something like, "your application has been REJECTED" or "add pounds with b@c0n!" ... or "i am a single girl from russia and i saw your picture online and i think you are very ugly and i don't want to talk to you at all."

or a fortune from a fortune cookie that says, "you will die soon, alone and miserable."

eh, i have reason to be wry today. honest.