vivir, or, to live.
i have been thinking about life. my great grandmother just passed away this morning. she was a truly amazing woman who traveled all over the world, raised remarkable children, and maintained her unique humor and joyful personality even when, in her later years, she lost track of all the details.
now she's in a better place, rejoicing in the fruits of her labors here on earth. and there is a lot of fruit to rejoice about.
about a year ago i finally came to the decisive realization that living for other people is simply not a good option. in all the various ways i tried to live for others over the years, over and over it would blow up in my face. some times worse than others. i did think that i was living my life for God, but God was only real to me in other people.
dedicating one's life to others sounds nice and selfless, but in my experience, it's not. for me, it really came down to seeking the approval and praise of the people around me. and living for that is pure slavery, believe me. living for God is very different. i know that not all the readers of this blog will agree with me, but i honestly believe that being dedicated to God's purposes for you is the only truly viable option for living a full and joyful life. only with my life completely in His hands have i started to finally find out who i really am.
and guess what? the real me doesn't care so much about some of the things i thought i cared about, when i was merely playing a role for others. those things have fallen by the wayside. meanwhile, certain deep, deep passions that i've had since i was a child have been resurfacing. in those areas i have found, in the last 9 months or so, joys that i didn't know were possible to experience in this life.
which brings me back to today. i just booked a flight and will be spending the months of september and october in vanuatu. i am quite literally following my dreams here. i will spend a lot of the time tramping around on various islands, and a lot of it just sitting and writing. i have no idea what will come out of it, but something will. and even if nothing did, the journey and the pure act of living out my life, with and in God, as myself and no other, will be enough.
incidentally, it has been nearly two years since i have been out of the USA and canada, and four years (FOUR YEARS!) since i was in any country for the very first time. not since high school have i gone so long with so little international travel!
but for now, a quick trip to florida for the weekend.
now she's in a better place, rejoicing in the fruits of her labors here on earth. and there is a lot of fruit to rejoice about.
about a year ago i finally came to the decisive realization that living for other people is simply not a good option. in all the various ways i tried to live for others over the years, over and over it would blow up in my face. some times worse than others. i did think that i was living my life for God, but God was only real to me in other people.
dedicating one's life to others sounds nice and selfless, but in my experience, it's not. for me, it really came down to seeking the approval and praise of the people around me. and living for that is pure slavery, believe me. living for God is very different. i know that not all the readers of this blog will agree with me, but i honestly believe that being dedicated to God's purposes for you is the only truly viable option for living a full and joyful life. only with my life completely in His hands have i started to finally find out who i really am.
and guess what? the real me doesn't care so much about some of the things i thought i cared about, when i was merely playing a role for others. those things have fallen by the wayside. meanwhile, certain deep, deep passions that i've had since i was a child have been resurfacing. in those areas i have found, in the last 9 months or so, joys that i didn't know were possible to experience in this life.
which brings me back to today. i just booked a flight and will be spending the months of september and october in vanuatu. i am quite literally following my dreams here. i will spend a lot of the time tramping around on various islands, and a lot of it just sitting and writing. i have no idea what will come out of it, but something will. and even if nothing did, the journey and the pure act of living out my life, with and in God, as myself and no other, will be enough.
incidentally, it has been nearly two years since i have been out of the USA and canada, and four years (FOUR YEARS!) since i was in any country for the very first time. not since high school have i gone so long with so little international travel!
but for now, a quick trip to florida for the weekend.
posted by alannka barabanka at 5/25/2007 02:06:00 PM
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