the board and the wind and the water

this is in response to folks who heard my frustration in the last post; i didn't do a good enough job of communicating the fact that underneath it all, there is a peace. i'm a surfer riding a very big, strong wave, and i have no intention of trying to get away from the wave. i just want to see what strange things i can do with the board and the wind and the water while i'm riding. certain parts of my last post were somewhat tongue-in-cheek; i like considering extreme possibilities; it's a way for me to leave psychological room for G-d to do whatever He wants. this is not to say i made that blog post lightly; i didn't. i wouldn't make any decisions lightly either. one purpose of this blog is to make more of my walk with the L-rd transparent... when i'm mystified as well as when i'm certain. G-d made me someone who likes to explore new things. i have been exploring a handful of people in philly for a few years now and have learned so much from them. they are my brothers and sisters; if anyone tried to mess with them they would see how fiercely devoted i am to these brothers and sisters. there is no doubt in my mind that i must remain rooted and accountable at my congregation. there is no thought in my mind of leaving it. there is only an urge to explore more... and ultimately (as happened and still happens with minsk) everything that i explore comes back to this one goal: seeing revival grow in my own congregation and my own city of philly. that doesn't have to mean i leave philly for even a day. but i want more. so, i hope rather than seeking to run from anything, i am seeking to expand my horizons. settling for a normal complacent and materialistic american life is something folks in my various family lines are quite bad at, and i am no exception. maybe i am running from that, a little. i don't want to be in a job solely for money considerations, i don't want to be in some kind of holding pattern waiting to begin a family someday, i want to be serving the L-rd with my whole heart and mind and strength in whatever ways He guides me. of course that means being accountable to my leaders and having their counsel in my decisions. of course that doesn't mean i stop being tied to the group i'm tied to. it just means that i am not cut out for stasis. in my small experience, each time i have similarly desired more, G-d provides it, usually in a totally different way than how i expect or plan. i never have to knock myself out looking for it; every single big step i've taken in my life when pursuing G-d just sort of came up across my path and with resounding echoes in my heart i heard a Voice saying "this is the way; walk in it." in my last blogpost i reflected on how that happened with Belarus; today i've reflected on how that happened with Narberth. i have no doubt that He'll do that this time, too. and because of this i have a feeling i'll have more fun on my wave than murphy brown had on hers.