keywriter.

devotion.
eighteen.

I hold my perch in a nearly empty park. Perhaps the coming cold will numb my fingers until i can no longer write — but not yet. I have come here to this public place — without most of the public at this hour — to be alone, to find an oasis with you. Through this day i have been flooded with voices, and in this night i only desire your voice in my ear.

This day of voices. Of the caffeine this morning that drew me out of the voices in dream — dream which i remember even now, but do not expect to understand — and into the voices of friends and those who i wish were friends, into the voices of those who do not understand and those who are willing to try, into the voices of that which calls itself knowledge and that which calls itself desire. The voices of accusers, recalling to me each time i have run away from what you show me. The voices of angers, causing me to want to run further. The voices of the coming cold, telling me that if only i am numb, you will reach me.

Even that which speaks without your voice touches me by appealing to my yearning for you. And so i wrap myself in cold searching for you, i attempt to create an oasis for myself searching for you, i look in the earthquakes and in the storms and i look on perches in public parks. Something in me misses you. Longing for your voice and ducking into a building because i cannot feel my hands. Composing love poems to another voice and then finding that all the while it was you i had in mind, it was you i desired, and you i still desire. Finding new ways to wish for you and new ways to listen for you, listening for you in your way instead of the way of another, or in the way of myself... for you way is a face upon which i love to look, a love which i love to love, and a voice which i love to hear.

You have given me hearing and given me love. Your voice moves in me when i do not listen, and when i listen you overwhelm me with yourself, with your muse and your music, with your vision and your voice, and you sing to me of love for me... singing, when you are both song and voice.

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