keywriter.

devotion.
fourteen.

Always you amaze me. I come to you, confessing to you that i am helpless and broken in the face of my troubles, and you cause a deep shift within me. When i focus on my pain, my frustrations, the sufferings that i seem to believe are so important... i am pulled further from you, and i can feel this within myself. But you give me this shift, this new birth, within me. I come and ask for your strength and perseverance, and you take away the self-dwelling. You transform me again and again, and move my eyes away from myself so that i no longer am trapped within myself, and my life again becomes a home to me, a wondrous thing of your creation, instead of a prison of fear.

I feel you moving in my life, through my life, even through me, and i remember that you are at work within me, and that i am changing and growing by your grace. The sensation causes joy in my heart, and i laugh inside. I am so often a plant that would rather think about her dryness than about the loving gardener who holds the water who gives her life — who is the water that gives her life — and i shrivel when i forget you. In my shriveling you cause me to remember you, and when i cry out, you do not withhold the water and i am soaked and again able to grow.

You extend and curl your joy, your strength, your love, your forgiveness — your Spirit, your water — through and around this plant. How can i not change? Even when i feel you coming i do not always know about what you will do. But you constantly rebirth me, even as i wonder what you create of me. You are at work changing me and i am not anxious. I do not have to force the change to come, for you are the orchestrator, you are the gardener, and i wait on you and submit to your will. I have no need to flee from the change; instead i continuously become the most beautiful purpose for me as your creation: i become your creation. I am your creation already, and yet you are always creating, and so i am always becoming.

You teach me about what is important to me, what is most beautiful to look on: you teach me of yourself. You free me and you cause joy and openness, which comes from you, to fill me, instead of pain and tightness that comes from myself. You teach me through experience the dangers of hardening myself, even in the hardest experiences, and you soften me.

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